


To Find It

by MooseFeels



Series: Turn Me On [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alpha Dean, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Domestic, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Mpreg, Omega Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-20
Updated: 2013-07-22
Packaged: 2017-12-20 18:40:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/890549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MooseFeels/pseuds/MooseFeels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel pisses on the stick.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Dean knows as soon as he hears the way Cas say, “Dean.”

It’s not really even said, it’s breathed. It’s less than a whisper. If he weren’t listening for it, he never would have heard it.

He breaks the door down and ignores the fact that Castiel has just peed and he grabs him and he hugs him because he’s never going to let him go. He’s never going to let him go.

He’s never going to let his mate and his pup go.

“Dean,” he repeats, louder. “Dean. Dean.” He keeps getting louder, until finally he shouts, crying, “Dean, we’re going to be parents, I’m going to have a pup, Dean! Dean!”

They’re both shaking, they’re so happy. Castiel’s crying.

Dean realizes that he’s crying, too.

“Dean, we’re going to have a pup,” he says. “Where are we gonna put it? Where will we live? Should I stop working at the site? I guess I should. Oh god, we need a doctor and I’ll need new clothes and I’ll need a pump and Dean- Dean-” he looks at Dean, with exultant blue eyes. Victorious. “Dean, we’re going to have a baby.”

There’s a knock on the bathroom door. Guy says, “Hey, I guess you guys got good news or whatever, but...um...I have to clean that bathroom. Is there any way you could-”

They step out of the bathroom like teenagers, giggling and joyful.

“Hi,” Dean says. “We’re pregnant.”

The guy nods. “Yes, I heard. Your change.” He hands him a handful of bills. “Please leave.”

They sit in the car in the parking lot, silent, for a long time.

“We’re gonna have a pup,” Dean finally says. “We’re gonna be dads. I’m gonna be a father. I’m gonna be a father.”

Castiel’s hand has migrated over his belly. There’s nothing there yet. There’s not even the beginning of anything there yet- there won’t be for a few months. But his hand hovers there, thrilled. Anxious.

“Dean,” he says, again.

Dean leans over from the driver’s side to the passenger seat and kisses Castiel, long and deep. He’s amazed- he’s amazed by how beautiful and perfect Castiel is. His husband. His partner. His mate.

The father of his pup.

“What if it’s a girl?” Castiel breathes. “What if it’s an alpha? What if it’s a boy? What- what do we- Dean I don’t know how to raise a-”

Dean kisses him again.

The smell of honeysuckle comes again, with that happy undercurrent of caramelizing onion. Castiel whine happily into the smell. Delighted.

“We’re pregnant,” he says when Dean pulls away.

“How long have you been vomiting?” Dean asks, trying to get an idea of how far along Cas might be.

He shrugs. “A few weeks, maybe. I didn’t think it was anything too important.” He looks at Dean, all big eyes. “We’re going to have to find a doctor,” he murmurs. “How do we-”

“We’ll ask Sam,” Dean says. “His doctor can recommend someone in the city.”

Castiel’s eyes light back up. “Your brother is gonna be an uncle,” he says.

Dean smiles again. He can’t stop smiling. He’ll never stop smiling. He’s the happiest he can ever remember being. Ever.

They drive slowly back to the apartment Castiel’s been staying in. “I guess I should talk to Ash about doing a cabin instead of brick, huh?” He says. “I mean, if we’re going- if we’re going to have a pup, we need a place to keep it, and I don’t know about you but...it might be a good idea to move in before nine months from now.”

Castiel leans over now and kisses him. “A cabin in the woods,” he says. “Just you and me and the pup. I’ll take care of the baby and build furniture.”

“I’ll be a school librarian. Teach the third grade,” Dean answers.

“We could get to know people in town. Start a book club,” Castiel continues.

“I could coach little league,” Dean says.

“I could run bake sales.”

They hold hands.

It’s like magic. It’s like meeting all over again.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Castiel’s apartment doesn’t have a bed- not really. There’s a mattress on the floor and a pile of blankets and pillows and lights strung up over it. It’s warm and soft and his- it’s definitively his. The blankets aren’t thick, but there are a bunch of them. His pillows are floppy and loose and big. It’s full of his smell. It’s the first nest he’s ever built on his own, and it shows. It’s an omega’s nest, too, and the difference in priorities is clear.

Dean looks at it and frowns, unable to help himself. “Baby, your nest,” he murmurs. He immediately starts messing with the blankets and fluffing the pillows.

“Dean,” Castiel says, “I just want to lie down, okay? Maybe fool around. I know that my big strong alpha wants a safe nest for his pup and his omega, but can we just lay down?”  
Dean looks at Castiel- both pale and excited, thrilled and terrified- standing in his doorway. Dean smiles, stops fussing with bedding. “Yeah, baby. Come on.” He motions for him to join him on the mattress.

It’s narrow- a twin. Not too different from where Castiel lived before he moved in with Dean. They curl in tight together, holding hands.

“Once we get the house built,” Castiel murmurs, “I’ll find a fallen tree in the woods. I’ll pull it from where it fell to our yard. I’ll build us a bed. Big ol’ nest, and you can fill it with blankets and pillows and furs.”

The idea makes dean purr, and he rumbles happily. He noses at Castiel’s neck, right over his pulse, in that bright spot where his smell is most intense. “Pup,” Dean murmurs.

Castiel nods serenely.

He rests his hand over Castiel’s belly, and Castiel smiles. “You can tell your brother,” he whispers. “I don’t guess I could stop you, anyway.”

Dean smiles. They’re so close to each other, Dean practically wearing Castiel’s smell like a perfume.

“I love you,” he murmurs.

Castiel’s mouth ticks into a small smile. Something private and new. “I love you too,” he answers.

They fall asleep like that, the pup between them, close and safe.

 


	3. Chapter 3

"No," is the first thing out of Sam's mouth, closely followed by, "Dean, I'm so happy for you."

"No?" Dean replies. "What the hell, Sammy, you worried I'm going to have a better pup than yours? Because you might not know Cas like I do, but I can pretty much guarantee it."

"I'm just surprised," Sam answers. "I know you guys have been trying for a while and just...wow, Dean. Do you have a doctor yet?"

 Dean rubs the back of his neck and sighs into the phone. "Sam, we found out last night."

"Long distance, huh?" 

Sam himself is in San Diego for a conference, and when he's not on the phone with Dean, Dean is pretty sure he's on the phone with Jess and the pup.

"Yeah," Dean answers. "I'm not quite sure what we're going to do now. I mean, someone needs to be at the site and all but...pup."

Since Dean found out, he's developed problems leaving Castiel, even just leaving the room without him. There is something soul deep, magnetic and pack-like happening now. 

Dean and Castiel are tied together more closely than they have ever been. 

Castiel comes back into the room from the bathroom, smelling like sick. He looks satisfied, though. Clearly still happy about the news. About their pup. 

"Hey, I have to go. Talk to you later, looser," he says, and hangs up.

Castiel sits down on the couch and snuggles deep into Dean's arms. "Your brother?" he asks. 

Dean nods. "He sends his hcongratulations. Wants us to get a doctor. Wants to know where we'll live."

"Where will we live?" Castiel asks. "Until the house is done, rather."

"I'll come down weekends," Dean answers. "Work at the university. Same as we've been doing. I'll start applying to jobs in the area. We'll go ahead and get a storage space for the furniture and stuff from the place in the city. We'll do it gradually. It's the only way." 

Castiel nods, slowly. "Should I get a doctor here?" He asks. 

"Yeah," Dean murmurs. "I guess we should."

Which is how the end up in the pretty unimpressive office of Chuck Shurley, rural OB/GYN. 

He's a worryingly nervous man- an omega, from the smell of him. He seems to shake in space. He's short, with dark hair and stubble. A way of speaking that sounds like he hasn't slept in weeks. 

"Um," he says, "do you want to be in the room for the first exam or-"

"I want to be here for all of the exams," Dean answers, a little over protectively. 

"Oh!" Doctor Shurley exclaims. "Well- well, I'm just going to get an idea of his Cas-Castiel is feeling and see how far he is along. We can't do an ultrasound today because the equipment is two towns over on the rotation, but I can pretty much promise that there's nothing to see yet."

Castiel nods. Dean states at him blankly. 

"Pardon?" Dean asks.

"There's one set of equipment for the county, Mr. Winchester," Doctor Shurley answers. "We just don't huh-have the the funds for more."

"Puppy," Castiel says, "you wanted to live in the middle of nowhere."

Dean sighs. "Okay, so how far along is he?"

The next day, Garrison County Health Service received a sizable donation from an anonymous expecting family, about enough for the largest town in the county to have its own ultrasound equipment. 


	4. Chapter 4

Castiel keeps throwing up into his second trimester. 

He's not really showing at all- he's got just the beginnings of a pooch of a stomach. He's got heavy bags under his eyes from sleeplessness. He's got muscle soreness from the site. 

"I understand you guys had trouble conceiving," Doctor Shurley says. "Castiel's body might just be...reluctant? To really carry. This happens a lot with alpha/alpha families- I think you're in for a rough pregnancy." He smiles at Castiel sadly. "You're also seriously underweight for fifth month. You may want to invest in some nutritional shakes if you're having trouble keeping anything down. I'm just glad you had sense enough to go ahead and start using pre-natal vitamins."

They both nod dumbly, a little in shock. 

They drive back to the apartment so Dean can start packing to head back into the city. They've both come to dread Sundays. 

Dean is throwing his clothes back into a bag when Castiel says, "I've started having nightmares."

Dean knows- he's woken up once or twice to the smell of distress coming from Castiel, but he hasn't been sure how to ask him about it. 

"What if I lose the baby?" he asks. 

Burnt sugar. Anxiety. Fear. 

Dean knows what Castiel is really asking here- if the baby dies, will you leave me? 

"God forbid," Dean says, "if we lose the baby. But if it happens, it's not your fault. And I won't leave you. I told you at the beginning of this, and I meant it- you're stuck with me, good times, bad times."

Castiel's hands smooth over his belly, pulling his shirt tight over the beginning of its mound. "I'm so scared," he said. 

Dean hugs him. "I know. I am too."

It's hard to leave twenty minutes later and drive back to the city, but if he doesn't go now, he'll get back so late it will screw up his working week. He leaves Castiel with seventy bucks for groceries, tucked in the coffee can where he won't find it until tomorrow when it's too late. 

Dean hates his apartment without Castiel. He hates how empty it all seems when they're apart. He knows this is how it's going to be for a little while longer, until the house is built or he gets a job in Garrison county, but the distance  wears on them both. He thinks about the nightmares Cas must have when he's not there and he can't hold him, he thinks about throwing up every morning alone. He thinks about how hard having the baby must be, all alone. 

He flicks on the lights to the apartment, and he realizes suddenly that it's literally empty. He's been putting stuff into storage for the past couple of months, and now, there's just a old chair and the fridge and a tv. Even the bed is off and gone. 

His whole life is packed and waiting for him, six or so hours away. 

He grabs a beer from the fridge and sits on the floor. Turns on the television and doesn't even switch the channel from the chick-flick that's playing. 

Dean resists the urge to howl in the empty space where he used to live. 


	5. Chapter 5

Castiel feels weaker every day. 

He can't sleep. The twin mattress, all on his own, feels empty and huge. He's never slept alone before, and he misses the sleeping bulk of someone, anyone, beside him. He also can't seem to eat. He takes a vitamin after throwing up every morning, and he pushes down water and Gatorade and crackers and dried fruit the rest of the day, but he knows that his body is still too skinny. He feels grotesque- his wiry arms and legs over a belly that's trying desperately to curve outward. He was worried at first. He thought maybe he would go too soft, too doughy, and would lose his shape entirely. Now he is desperate for any kind of weight on his body, anything that will support both him and the pup. 

More than anything, though, he just misses Dean. 

He misses the shape of Dean in his body, he misses the smell of his sweat on his skin, he misses the sound of his voice singing as he washes dishes. 

At first, an apartment to himself was exciting and fun. Now it's just empty. So empty. 

He brews himself a cup of coffee, or at least he starts to when he sees the money Dean left him in the can. He smiles at it, disconsolate. He'll go to the store today and grab some of the shakes the doctor recommended, and something to cook for Dean this weekend. That would make him happy. 

Dean's not like other alphas. He's content to be provided for, even honored to be provided for. He doesn't read it as an affront to him, to his strength or masculinity. 

 

Castiel finishes his coffee, gets dressed, and bikes to the store. 

He vomits in the bathroom when he gets there, but that's normal. He leaves the bathroom and grabs a cart and starts looking for a roast and carrots and the shakes. 

He starts feeling wobbly after about ten minutes, like his legs don't have any bones.  He leans heavier and heavier onto his cart, shaking. 

A cashier approaches him, asks, "Sir, are you alright?"

Castiel nods and says softly, "Yes, just a little dizzy. I'm sorry, I'll be fuh-"

And the world goes black. 


	6. Chapter 6

Dean drives so fast he cracks his windshield, shakes his fender from the rest of the machine, and inspires a burning smell in the air conditioning, all without stopping.

He was at the library when he got a call from Garrison County Hospital that Castiel had passed out in a grocery store.

He tears into the hospital parking lot and runs to the front desk and barks, “Winchester, Castiel?"

A nonplussed nurse directs him to the third floor, and Dean runs up the stairs, two at a time.

Cas looks terribly small in the hospital bed, but his eyes are open and he smiles at Dean.

“Hello, Dean," he greets.

“Baby, what happened?" Dean asks, sitting down on the bed next to him and holding his hand.

“I had a dizzy spell," Castiel answers. “It happens. I’m fine."

“No," a doctor says from the doorway, “you most certainly are not, darling."

The doctor is about Dean’s height, but he’s a more wiry build. Older, too. Looks a bit like a retired rock star in a white coat.

Dean fights an urge to growl and says, “What do we do?"

“Well, first we hold Mr. Winchester in the hospital for a few nights on an IV, get some calories in his system, hopefully a little more weight. And then he goes on bed rest, if you want to keep the baby. Or him. Both."

“Bed rest?" Castiel cries. “But who will build the house or-"

“Certainly not you," the doctor interrupts. He has an accent, British. The smell of him is lost in the smell of cigarette smoke and bad cologne. “Mr. Winchester should not have gotten pregnant. Period. If you weren’t so far along, I would recommend you terminate, but as that’s not an option, I can only pray you won’t be stupid and do things like bike four miles to the market and back from now on. This is a high risk pregnancy, and I hope you’re both quite alright with the very real implications of Mr. Winchester’s mortality."

Dean didn’t think that Castiel could turn more pale, but he manages it. His hands go over his belly protectively. He shakes his head, slowly. Horrified.

“It’s not real, please,” Castiel says. “No, please this isn’t real, tell me this isn’t real. I’m dreaming this is one of the nightmares, I’m going to wake up in the nest and Dean is going to be next to me, this isn’t, this isn’t-”

The heart monitor next to him has started beeping more and more as Castiel has started hyperventilating and clawing at the sheets.

“Cas,” Dean says, barely beginning to pick up the new colors of Castiel’s smell- pure fire and ozone and smoke. “Cas, baby, Cas, I need you to calm down, I need you to take a deep breath, Cas-”

Behind him, a phalanx of nurses storm into the room. “High distress” and “shock” start floating around and Dean begins to have difficulty breathing himself.

The doctor lays his hand on Dean’s shoulder and says, “You need to leave the room _now_.”

“The hell I do!” Dean shouts. “First you storm in and tell Cas that he has to go on bedrest, and then you tell us we should have aborted, and then you finish by telling him that he might die? You need to leave, asshole!”

The doctor snarls at Dean and Dean growls, low and deep in his throat.

“Alright, boys, let’s go!” a short nurse shouts. “Both of you, come on!”

The nurse is a good foot shorter than either of them, but he’s authoritative. He marches them both out of the room. “Look,” he shouts into their faces, “I get that your alpha authority pissing contest means a whole fucking lot to your adolescent egos, but the conflict scent sure as hell isn’t any good for the fucking patient in there who’s going into shock, so can you take the locker room drama to another high school?”

The guy has golden brown eyes and his anger is grounding. His authority is sharp. It brings shame onto them. Dean finds himself staring at the floor.

The nurse shakes his head and storms back into the room.

The doctor straightens. “I apologize for being so brusque,” he says. “Bedside manner was never my strong suit. Believe me, your husband’s health is my utmost concern.” He coughs. “You must understand that he is in danger.”

Dean sits down in one of the flimsy chairs that line the wide corridor. “I’ve been away,” he says. “For the past few months. We’re building a house and we’re moving, and the house is taking longer than we meant it to and I’m trying to get a job here and we weren’t expecting this. We’d always hoped, but we weren’t...we didn’t think this could ever happen.”

The doctor sighs. “It’s stress,” he says. “His body is interpreting the pregnancy as unsupported and is trying to...get rid of it. It’s an evolutionary quirk. A cruel one, but...often necessary, particularly in times where we were not so good to- when we were cruel to omegas.”

Dean hangs his head between his knees to keep himself from vomiting.

 


	7. Chapter 7

Dean sells the bed they slept in for the first time- he sells their first nest- and their couch and their table for a few thousand dollars to tide them over while Dean looks for a job and to keep construction going on the house. He moves in the same day that Castiel is released from the hospital.

 

 

It had been a rough week.

 

Dean carries him out of the car and up the stairs and into the apartment. He smiles at Dean, sweetly. Sadly.

 

He lays Castiel down on the mattress, which is a little thicker now that their blankets came back with Dean, for good.

 

He sits up as soon as Dean lays him down. “Dean, I’ve been sitting for the past week,” he says. “Let me cook something for you or something. Please.”

 

“Dude,” Dean says, “I’m pretty sure that if you cooked anything, half of the hospital would come over and kick my ass. Besides, I have something for you.”

 

He grabs a container from the fridge and hands it to Castiel, who opens it and smiles.

 

A cupcake, with a huge plume of frosting and a sugar tag that reads, “Welcome Home Angel.”

 

Castiel smiles at it. “You shouldn’t have,” he says.

 

“I know we need to be pushing high nutrient or whatever, but…it’s caramel and chocolate and it…it smelled kind of like you,” Dean answers. He feels the heat on his face that means he’s blushing.

 

Castiel smiles at it. He picks it up and runs his finger around the edge of the cupcake, picking up the a line of the icing. He sticks it in his mouth and he smiles. Closes his eyes. Inhales.

 

He looks blissful, more sexual than he has in months, and Dean is embarrassed by how turned on he is. 

 

Castiel smiles at him again. "I don't know why you like my smell," he says.

 

Dean shakes his head. "Are you kidding? You smell so good- you smell like Christmas cookies and crystal sugar and caramel and figs and when you're happy, you smell like, mm, god, you smell like onions in butter turning into sugar in the pan. And now that you're pregnant you smell fruity and floral, too. Like baked apples or blood oranges." He smiles at him. "You smell so good. All the time. Even when you're mad."

 

Castiel shakes his head and sticks out his tongue. "I smell like old envelopes and cold rooms and corn syrup," he says. He sticks out his tongue, disgusted. "There's something wrong with your nose, maybe you should spend a week in the hospital."

 

Dean laughs. "I'm gonna make some dinner. Do you want me to move the nest into the living room?"

 

Castiel considers it briefly and says, "I'll grab the blankets, you grab the mattress."

 

The nest feels a lot smaller in the living room, but it's nice to be together in that space. 

 

Dean pulls a carton of mushrooms from the fridge and puts a pot of water on to boil. Throws some hazelnuts in the oven to roast. Ten minutes into the nuts roasting and four minutes into Dean sautéing the mushrooms, Castiel says, "That smells amazing, puppy."

 

He doesn't throw it up twelve hours later, either.

 

 


End file.
